Category: Writers Block
The fuel that sets my soul a blaze
Is the same toxin that leaves me dazed
And with all the sick torment I find
Small pieces of my broken heart now behind
You once killed me, but only on the outside
Now you will see when I come back, I've not died
I will twist your bone until they've shattered
Little pieces, to me was all that had mattered
Now you will feel a token of my appriciation
For all your time and all youClr frustration
I will take your life once a beautiful thing
And leave you in dirt with bllod and shame
So cross your heart and hope to die
Do not cringe for now its my time
I watch you struggle, I watch you strain
You try so hard, but I feel no pain
No remorse, no sorrow, no regret
Once upon a time it was my life you bet.
So close your eyes, hush dont cry
I'll ease you in softly ready, set, DIE!!!!
First, some constructive criticism:
In the fourth line, I think it should be left behind instead of now behind. Also, make sure you do a spelling and grammar check before you post your work.
For the credit:
Nice piece; it expresses much revenge. I LOVE the ending of this poem! It's so powerful.
This would make a kick ass metal song. Probably very fast tempo, something like that. I'd love to do that.
I'm not as comfortable workshopping poetry as I am fiction, but I urge you to read this piece aloud. You've got some pretty good lines, and the rhyme scheme works. My major concern is that 1. You might think about spell-checking this, and reading it over carefully to get the type-Os out. And 2, when reading it aloud you may notice some lines are a little longer than necessary due to a number of minor words that can easily be taken out without sacrificing the quality of the poem. I stumbled a few times due to this fact. All in all though it's a good first draft.
Guardian